How is life like toilet paper?

What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day?

Why are ghosts always in trouble?

What should you do if someone parks their car on your lawn?

What do you call a cow who is really good at basketball?

What branch of the military accepts newborns?

Why did the dog get embarrassed?

Why do cats give such great massages?

What time does everyone love to drink?

Why did people want to see Coca-Cola® in concert?

Why was the turtle so nervous at parties?

What does the Nutcracker say to his wife every night before bed?

I rode my horse to town on Friday. The next day I rode back on Friday. How?

What is the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?

What's a pitcher's favorite vitamin?